I can never know for sure but from what I know from myself I think I can say I have a depression, not a bad form but I defenitly have one. But no matter what I have, I know it is somehting, and I am sick of hiding it, I am starting to find help and I just had an idea what I could do. I love to write and my very sweet (sometimes ;)) boyfriend has already told me many times I am good at describing things and that I should write something, and that's what I'll do. My 'novels' won't be just to make you depressed too, I want to bring these feelings to the human, I want people to understand this better, and at the other side also because I want to write but if no one reads it it has not much of use.
Why the title? Because I am a damn wheeper, I think I cry almost everyday, and now it is cold it is even more difficult to control this, when I feel the least emotion I could cry.
So, just like I said I am not writing this to make you all sad, but to understand. And I will give my own view and ideas on it maybe using a little of my studies in kinda psychologie (behavioral science) and culture.
Part 1: Expectations
I think personally that expectations are my problem. And the more I think about it, I feel like it is the base of most problems. You expect your family shows their love for you, but what if they don't? You are heartbroken and feel desperate and think everything will be great once you have a boyfriend, but what if it isn't?
How do you expect? I you expect only the good, you are let down, if you expect nothing (like kinda happenend in my case) you get depressed.. How can you not expect? Are there always there or is there a way of not doing it? Expecting.. What is actually:
to think or believe something will happen, or someone will arrive
Movie that goes with the topic: Great expectations
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My brain only works on one power... The power of Nicolas Cage!
I guess it is something typical for girls. But I think also for men though they might not show it so much. At some moment, for thousands of people, for your family, or just one you want to get all their atention. A first cause of sadness can be recieving it or not. The second I believe is the time till you recieve it. And one fo the worst is how to get it. Maybe not the worst it van be in a very good way too, but unfortunatly a lot of people do things against their own rights to get atention. And I am not much better, when alone with a good friend or my boyfriend, I can get their atention by being naturally me. But at school in my friengroup, and typical for highschool, you can not be accepted as who you are and though I don't go along it has nifluence on me. To get the atention (good) I behave like an diot in front of my friends and make myself ridiculous often with regret later when I've pushed myself too much in my foolness. and at such moments I think if they could only see behind this big laugh there is a sad heart. (At least, I try to make it better).
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My brain only works on one power... The power of Nicolas Cage!
